The Insanity From My Mind

(403): I’m going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.

(540): I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

(617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman’s vagina. The entire time I was thinking “this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes.”.

Stupid Hackers….

Happy 1 Year Ella, I love you so much :)

And I can’t wait until May when our first son joins us (and stops putting you through so much pain all of the time :( ) and we can get our family started (albeit it earlier then we had planned).

Here’s to year 2 being even better then year number 1 was!

<3

(361): Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.